New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You made out with two different species that night
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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