every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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