Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
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