you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
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I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
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This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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