Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
