I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Who died my cat blue again?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
