my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
