i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
