Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize