I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
