"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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