You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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