Rock
Scissors
Fuck
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
