Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
