After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
