I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
