on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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