Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
