you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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