The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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