When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
