My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I would fuck him just for his dog
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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