how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
