I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
