do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
you're hired as official boob wrangler
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
