all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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