you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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