I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Randomize
