next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
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She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
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Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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