what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
