How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
