my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
