He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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