I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
She even gives head with a lisp.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
