I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
