What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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