Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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