Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
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