Small penises have feelings too.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
