he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
