my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
