Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
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The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
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The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
third nipple confirmed
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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