I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
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