and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
