I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
