I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
COCAINE IS GR8
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
