I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
