had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
