Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
