How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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