pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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