Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
