that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
