We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
