If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I smell stomach acid.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
