my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
