Got a toothbrush?
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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