The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
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i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
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That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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