What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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