I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
