remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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