So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
