I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize