At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
