I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
