I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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