can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
