you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
