i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
