Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
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