WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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