for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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