dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
