She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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