SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
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... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
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Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"