Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.