Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.