Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down