Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
