Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
