I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
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it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
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Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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