he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Randomize
