he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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