theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
