If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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