So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
