i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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